I am trying so hard to get over him. but i can’t! i think about him non-stop and it kills me knowing that he doesn’t give two shits about me. I just don’t know what I did wrong? Why does he think that he can just rip my heart out? I have no reason to still want him. He never took me out, he always thought of himself, he cheated on me, and he was just an ass in general. I tried to be the perfect girlfriend for him. I was always there when he needed me and gave him space when he needed it. i never did anything wrong! so then why do i get shit on by assholes all the time? why do i still want him to be mine when i know that he’ll just break my heart again and i know that he has no interest in me. i hate the fact that i don’t hate him. i should, i know i should but i don’t. i just want him to hurt like i do. i want him to feel all the pain that he has caused me.

I don’t know why I still hurt. I can’t seem to get him off of my mind and it’s killing me. I just wish that things could go back to how wonderful they were before he cheated on me in the first place. I don’t know if I want to call him or just stay away from him… both cause pain. I want to forget about him and just move on like he seems to be doing easily but I can’t. I just feel so used and shit on. Why do I fall for the guys who turn out to be assholes? They are always either lying bastards, cheaters or  possessive dicks, and they always treat me like shit and break my heart time after time. I want him to feel the pain that he’s caused me. I want him to always look back and wish that he hadn’t fucked things up. How do I keep falling for the same tricks? Will I ever find someone who doesn’t treat me like shit? Am I even deserving of someone like that?

“Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination”
- Roy Goodman

I believe that we should all live life by this quote. So why do we put ourselves through so much suffering to get what we want in years to come? I love the college life but find it so pointless to take all of these classes that I won’t even need in the future. They only cause stress and frustration. With the stress that college puts on us all, we limit our time of happiness and sacrifice it in order to be able to get to our destination which we think we want. We think that we will be happy once we’ve reached our goals but we know that we are missing out on happiness while we are doing things that will help us achieve our goals.

Why do we do this? Why do we sacrifice our young lives with pointless things that we will soon forget when we could be making memories that will stay with us forever? Isn’t that what life is about? When we are old and dying, won’t we want to know that we’ve lived life to the fullest? When all we can do is sit and think, aren’t we going to want to have fun memories of our youth to look back on? I simply can’t understand why we have to waste our time with things that we truly don’t enjoy doing when life is so short…. so fragile.